Coping with Infertility on Mothers Day
Hurting Like a Mother: Managing Infertility on Mother’s Day
Nicolette Park, BNRN, RP(Q)
Being 1 of 6 of the worldwide population feel like pretty good odds. Right? I agree they do seem pretty good, until you become a part of that statistic – the number of people worldwide who deal with infertility. It can be a daily rollercoaster; except we found ourselves strapped in for the ride we never wanted to be on in the first place. Sometimes that rollercoaster feels like it might go completely off the rails – another pregnancy announcement, another baby shower invitation, Mother’s Day.
You decided you’re ready to be a mom, dreaming of the flutters of your baby, the newborn days when time ceases to exist, the first smiles and laughs. Fast-forward 12 months and you haven’t gotten that positive test – you are deemed infertile. As women, we receive messages that our bodies are “built for this”, that we are nurturing, that we are caregivers. So, what messages do we give ourselves when we just can’t? Are we broken, defective? Are we doing something wrong? Have we done something to deserve this?
The journey is exhausting and all encompassing. I’m not sure there are words that are enough, truthfully. Whether it includes medications that manipulate the inner working of your body, invasive procedures like IUI and IVF, or miscarriages – it can be devastating and isolating. Women experiencing infertility are vulnerable for self-esteem issues, anxiety and depression, feeling a loss of control, and a sense of inadequacy. We are at risk of becoming socially withdrawn because it isn’t a typical dinner table topic of conversation – so nobody talks about it. On the flip side, the only conversations you are having with your partner are about ovulation tests, the latest trend for improving fertility, and creating a very non-sexy “intimacy” schedule.
Let’s Just Get Through Today
If you’ve read this far, I’m willing to bet you or someone you love has at some point felt betrayed by their own body and been a passenger of that rollercoaster I mentioned before. Now how do we manage that, especially on a day meant to celebrate what feels so out of reach?
Step back. Consider taking a step away from social media accounts or situations that may be triggering today. Avoidance is usually not the answer, but days like this one you might not need all the answers.
Tell your support people what you need. If you want to vent without having anyone attempting to solve it, if you need to be distracted for the day, or if you just need to feel your feelings – say it out loud.
Look for a peer support group. Fertility Matters uses an online directory for support across Canada.
https://www.fertilitymatters.ca/support/find/groups/
Fake it till you make it. Leave the shame at the door. Replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
- Infertility doesn’t define who I am
- I have survived all my hardest days
- I am strong and brave, even when I am scared and hurt
- My path is unique, but I don’t walk it alone
Book a consultation. Professional support is available and proven to be pivotal in improving your resilience, self-esteem, quality of life, and overall well-being when you are experiencing infertility. Working with a therapist who holds space for you, helps you to increase your emotional intelligence, reframe difficult thoughts or situations, and draw on your innate strengths to develop long-term coping skills is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. I’ve been there and now I want pay-it-forward from the other side.
Infertility can be unpredictable. It doesn’t discriminate; it doesn’t care who you are. Maybe you haven’t been labelled with infertility officially. Maybe you have a child already, but the next just isn’t happening. Maybe you decided on adoption or surrogacy but grieve the pregnancy you anticipated. Maybe you’ve had to make the hard decision to end your journey for financial, geographical, or emotional reasons. To anyone who has been down that road or is still travelling it… I see you, I feel you, your journey is valid. I am here to support you. Book a free consultation with myself or any of the other therapists today.
More resources for any other day:
https://fertilityfriendsfoundation.com/
