How to Stop Overthinking & Ruminating

That mental looping has a name: rumination and it’s far more common (and understandable) than many people realise.

What Are Negative Thoughts?

Negative thoughts aren’t necessarily false thoughts. They’re often threat-based interpretations ideas our minds generate to protect us from emotional pain or danger.

Common examples include:

• “I must have done something wrong.”
• “This always happens to me.”
• “If I don’t figure this out, something bad will happen.”

These thoughts feel urgent and convincing because they’re driven by emotion, not logic.

What Is Rumination?

Rumination is what happens when the mind gets stuck trying to solve an emotional problem through thinking alone.

It often sounds like:

• Replaying conversations
• Imagining worst-case scenarios
• Mentally reviewing every detail to “find the mistake”
• Asking why over and over with no relief

While rumination feels active, it rarely brings clarity. Instead, it keeps the nervous system on high alert.

Why Do We Ruminate?

Rumination isn’t a personal flaw; it’s a learned coping strategy.

For many people, especially those who grew up in emotionally unpredictable environments, thinking became a way to:

• Stay ahead of conflict
• Prevent rejection or abandonment
• Maintain a sense of control

If you learned early that emotional safety was uncertain, your mind may have stepped in as a protector.

The Role of the Nervous System

When we’re emotionally triggered, the body reacts first.

Your heart rate may increase. Your chest may feel tight. Your body senses threat and your mind responds by scanning for meaning.

This is why telling yourself to “just stop thinking” rarely works. The thinking isn’t the problem; it’s a response to feeling unsafe.

Facts vs. Stories: A Helpful Shift

One powerful way to soften rumination is learning to separate facts from stories.

• Facts are observable and concrete.
  “They haven’t replied yet.”
• Stories are the meanings our minds add.
  “They’re losing interest. I’m about to be abandoned.”

The goal isn’t to argue with the story; it’s to notice it.

Try saying:

“This is the story my mind is telling right now.”

That simple shift creates space between you and the thought.

Why Arguing with Thoughts Often Backfires

Many people try to stop rumination by:

• Forcing positive thinking
• Telling themselves they’re being irrational
• Pushing the thought away

Unfortunately, this often increases anxiety. When a thought is driven by fear, it needs acknowledgement, not suppression.

What Actually Helps Reduce Rumination

Rumination softens when we focus on:

• Safety before certainty
• Compassion before correction
• Awareness before change
• 
  

Helpful practices include:

• Naming the thought pattern (“This is rumination”)
• Grounding in the present moment
• Writing thoughts down to externalise them
• Gently redirecting attention to the body
• Practising self-compassion instead of self-criticism
• 
  

When to Seek Support

If rumination:

• Interferes with sleep
• Impacts relationships
• Fuels anxiety or low mood
• Feels impossible to control

It may be helpful to explore it with a therapist. Therapy doesn’t aim to eliminate thoughts it helps you change your relationship with them.

If you Need Support, It’s Here

If you struggle with negative thoughts and rumination, there is nothing wrong with you.

Your mind is doing its best to protect you based on what it learned in the past. With understanding, compassion, and support, those patterns can soften and peace can become more accessible.

You don’t have to carry all of this on your own. Support is available.

 At CBT Wellness & Virtual Services, we offer compassionate, affordable therapy for children, teens, and adults. Book a free 15-minute consultation with me, Sapna, or one of our other therapists. We can provide some comfort, calm, and practical tools to help you through this season.